Characteristics of Batterers

While these may not apply in all cases, these are common traits that batterers share.

1. Batterers often seem set in their ways.
2. They often have unreal expectations of other people and the way other people are supposed to act.
3. Many feel very sorry for themselves and have a lot of self-pity.
4. They have a need to control people or situations. They have a fear of losing control.
5. They are jealous and suspicious.
6. Often they are very angry people, moody, tense and frustrated.
7. They are insecure and have a fear of inadequacy.
8. Many can't handle intimacy; they get tense and feel uptight.
9. Their ability to handle frustration is very low.
10. Batterers can see change as threatening and difficult. When things change, they  lose control.
11. They may have low self-esteem and see themselves as losers.
12. They have strict ideas about the way “a man is supposed to be.”
13. Batterers often see themselves as being victimized and oppressed. They are not open about their feeling, often because they don't know how to be.
14. They have the ideal that men are supposed to be the head of the household and women have little or nothing to say.
15. They usually blame someone else for what they do.
16. Many use sex as an active aggression outlet and a way of venting anger.
17. They feel their violent behavior is necessary and that others just don't understand.

Recognizing a Potential Batterer

1. Does he say he was abused physically, verbally or mentally as a child?
2. Was his mom battered?
3. Has he been known to be violent with other people?
4. Does he play with guns and use them to protect himself and other people?
5. Does he lose his temper easily and frequently?
6. Does he destroy or vandalize property such as cars, furniture, etc?
7. Does he drink alcohol or use drugs excessively?
8. Does he act extremely jealous when you are not with him?
9. Does he expect you to spend all of your free time with him?
10. Do you not see your friends or family because he gets jealous or angry?
11. Does he get angry when you don't do what he wants?
12. Does he accuse you of flirting or having sex with other people?
13. Does he make you feel guilty for not having sex with him, or disrespect your birth control method?
14. Does he shout or yell often?
15. Does he have very strict ideas about how a man “should be” and a woman “should be?”
16. Does he have a dual personality?
17. Do you feel like you are being abused?